While who gets the title of “worst show of the year” could be closely battled out between Are You There, Chelsea? and Whitney, it’s only fair to add to that list the overly-hyped and underwhelming turd known as Canada’s Got Talent.
As a rip-off to America’s Got Talent, itself a rip-off of the British show of the same name, Rogers Communications dug deep into their heavily cash-lined pockets and tapped the talents of Martin Short as a judge and spent (presumably) millions more on adverting, sets and promotion so Citytv could get into the homegrown reality show market – and along the way, further inflate Dina Pugliese’s ego. (It would have probably been cheaper to film the so-called “talent search” inside SkyDome seeing as 1) Rogers already owns it, and 2) it’s the only building in Toronto that is big enough to fit Dina’s ego.)
Let’s kick the ballistics; Canada’s Got Talent blows. Of course you wouldn’t know that from watching any programs (or newscasts) on Citytv as they have been promoting the show and talking about it as if it was the Second Coming. And don’t get me wrong… Canada does in fact have talent. It’s just that none of it, with the exception of Mr. Short, are involved with this show.
One of my editors actually wanted me to watch the first two episodes and review it. I refused. It wasn’t as if there weren’t already 1,000 reasons not to watch. (It sucks, it’s crap, I’ve seen more ‘talent” in homeless people who pee against the wall of a subway stations, etc) but I had better things to do. In case you’re even entertaining the idea of watching, here is a short list of things that are better, more productive and more interesting than watching Canada’s Got Talent.
1) Shave your underarms
2) Help your dog groom himself
3) Write that letter to Penthouse you’ve been meaning to write
5) Drink any leftover fluids found under your sink
6) Read to your goldfish
7) Pick your teeth
8) Compare zit-popping stories with friends
9) See just how many licks it does in fact take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop
10) Re-write Star Wars Episode I so that it doesn’t completely suck
11) Learn a new language
12) Date a serial killer
13) Find new and interesting ways to touch yourself
14) Count, organize and name the socks in your sock drawer
15) Re-enact the 1967 Stanley Cup finals (all six games) with your stuffed animals
16) Have a one-hour conversation with your friends, using only Simpsons quotes
17) Wash your car’s headlight using your tongue
18) Pee onto the electrified third rail of the subway tracks
19) Fill out expired and out-dated customer satisfaction surveys
20) See how many other Pink Floyd albums sync up to old movies
21) Read this
22) Go for a walk
23) Attempt to build your own time machine, realize it’s completely impossible, feel sorry for wasting so much of your time and then realize that you were still having a better time than you would have had if you had watched Canada’s Got Talent
24) Sharpen crayons with you teeth
25) Pray that Canada’s Got Talent goes the way of other American-inspired Canadian crap-fests like Canadian Idol and So You Think You Can Dance, Canada.