Last day of March

For some reason I thought there were only 30 days in March. Then again, without the help of a nearby calender, who can ever really remember those things? Ever since my “Tough Dames: Great Quotes by Great Women” page-a-day desktop calendar ran out last year, I’ve been playing the guessing game as far as what day comes next. So far I’ve noticed that most times, 5 does in fact come after 4 and before 6, so Sesame Street taught me well.

Today is another long day and I know I have to get my ass to Costco sometime before the sun sets. I’m low on a few things and I really should stock up. That’s the problem with those warehouse stores. You start making a list, you don’t want to go for just one or two things. So you wait until the list is almost a page long, forgetting that you’re about to go shopping at a store which has the floorspace of three football fields. Not to mention a store that stocks cereal in boxes so large that I could be the prize inside. And remember, I’m five foot, ten inches tall.

Anyway, I’m going to a big-ass store with a big-ass list and praying I can shove everything I buy into my car. Wish me luck.

New pants

For fear of going another two days without posting an entry, I felt the need to update and say something – but I couldn’t think of anything really to talk about. So, why not show you this…

My new leather pants! Do you have any idea how hard it is to take a picture of your ass using a camera that you’re not familiar with? Trust me, when the time comes for you to do the same, you’ll be thinking of me.

There’s no real need for an update about my new pants, other than the fact that I got them on sale and they can now join the on-going collection of other pants in the closet I have that are like them. Of course these ones have no pockets, which rock when it comes to shape and style. So I guess they are a bit different.

Other than that, it’s status quo around here. I have been feeling a bit dizzy these past couple days every time I lie down or when I wake up, but friends have told me not to worry and that it’s probably just a head-cold. I love how the word “probably” is supposed to make me feel better.

Super Size this!

This is the kind of email I get every so often. A reader wrote to me asking if there was any truth the rumor that once, in the world of McDonald’s, the character of purple Grimace had four arms.

I don’t know why bother to find these things, but just because I had some time on my hands, I decided to look into this. And yes, as you can see from the rather scary picture below, Grimace did in fact once have four arms. He was also known as “the Evil Grimace”. Nothing like being branded for life and mapping out your future with a name like that. But I guess he wasn’t evil enough because over the years he lost his extra two arms and became good. Now of course, Hamburgler is the bad guy.

You can tell from this masterpiece of art, the “evil Grimace” has stolen all the shakes and Cokes from McDonald’s and is holding them in his four arms. Please also note that he is poorly named as he doesn’t seem to be “grimacing” at all, but rather smiling like a guy who just got a handjob from Paris Hilton.

Further more Mayor McCheese and Ronald McDonald (who I always believed to be in a power struggle over who really controls McDonald’s) don’t seem too upset by this. Actually, the Mayor might be pissed, but Ronald’s got that ever-present smile on his mug. Then again, would you really be upset about some missing shakes if you had a friend who’s head was a cheeseburger that was the size of a breakfast table? Me neither.

As luck (or bad luck) would have it, I also came across what I can best make out to be a promotional video of The Evil Grimace stealing Cokes and shakes from the kids at McDonalds. Now, I must warn you. Much like the “Son of the Mask” this idea only sounds good on paper. Keep in mind this clip is from 1974. You’ve been warned.

Still breathing

I guess I should write something so everyone knows I’m still around. I’ve gotten quite a few emails over the past two days since I haven’t updated this page in a while. So no worries, I’m still alive.

Everything has just been really slow right now, yet busy at the same time. While shopping for cool Easter treats, I found this awesome bra at Wal-Mart for less that $7. Now I know what you’re thinking… “Less than $7… awesome bra… and Wal-Mart” should never be in the same sentence, but this really is a great one. Almost as good as the ones from Sears.

I also know that most of you probably don’t care, but when you’re a woman, things like this are important. Finding the right item of clothing that fits and feels good isn’t as easy as just walking into a store and grabbing the first thing you find. Although most men wish it was that simple. Truth be told, so do we.

But shopping trips do take longer than we’d like them too. Of course, I probably don’t have to spend hours in the store drooling over the new stainless steel cookware set I want or watching “The Incredibles” on the wall of TV screens in the electronics section.

Spring time

Happy Monday! Don’t you hate it when you come to work on Monday and there’s always that one chipper asshole who adds a reminder to the fact that the weekend is over by asking you how yours went? I felt like being that person today. But there’s reason to be happy: Today’s the first day of spring! Now at least we all have a right to bitch when it snows from now on. My bet is we’ll see at least two more really heavy snowfalls before the white crap is finally gone. That should be sometime around May.

The Canadian Genie Awards are tonight. (You’ll recall those are the film awards for Canadian movies.) The city doesn’t respond the same way that Hollywood does for the Oscars, but then again, Canadians always seem to do things less flashy than the States do. I managed to score an invite for tonight’s show, but I don’t know if I really want to go. I hardly saw any of the nominated films and frankly I get the feeling it would be like showing up to somebody’s funeral. I didn’t really know the person, but I’m still snacking on the food at the wake afterwards.

I’m also toying with the idea of taking a couple of days off and going to Montreal for a week. But I haven’t confirmed any travel plans yet and I’m still waiting on my New Beetle. There are a few complicated issues that need to be worked out, such as me getting off my ass and paying the VW Sales Dude.

Could have used more green

Another St. Patty’s Day has come and gone. Time to put away the green bra and camisole until next year. All in all, it was a pretty good day. Not as much beer-fueled mayhem as I’d imagined, but I did manage to put away a few pints of green beer. And yes, I know that Irish people don’t really drink that stuff in Ireland, but as Homer Simpson once said “It’s a party, Marge. It doesn’t have to make sense!”

The one St. Patty’s letdown came in the form of a media personality who didn’t quite jump on the bandwagon. Naturally most everyone at CityTV was wearing something green and from what I could tell, other media outlets did their share too. But the number one national network here in Canada CTV (a place I’ve had the pleasure of touring behind the scenes once, I might add) fell short in my books. And I’ll tell you why.

Their morning program, “Canada AM” is much like any other national show you’ve seen. The host, in case you’ve never seen it, is Seamus O’Regan. Now come on people! Seamus O’Regan?! With a name like that you’d be expecting him to be dancing an Irish jig while doing the day’s top headlines on St Patty’s Day. While I don’t know how hard hitting stories such as the Air India bombing and Robert Blake verdict would have sounded had he decided to toss in an Irish accent as well, I can tell you this much; it would have been damn funny.

But no. Mr. O’Regan went with a simple green tie and not even so much as a “top o’ the mornin’ to ya” (at least not when I was watching) I understand there has to be some professionalism left in the world of TV reporters, but you can’t get much more Irish than Seamus (pronounced Shay-mus) so maybe next year, providing there are no national tragedies, we could see those Irish eyes a’ smilin’ a little more?

Top of the afternoon to ya

The Taste of the Green Tour hasn’t gone as well as I thought it would. What I imagined to be a day of pub-crawling, mirth and merriment has turned into a lazy Thursday afternoon. I’ll still make my rounds later tonight, probably for dinner at one of the Firkin Pubs in the city, but then it’s back to the grind. Although, the field I’m in isn’t exactly a “grind”, but more of a on-going comedy of errors.

I also wanted to see if it was possible use the somewhat Irish saying, taken straight from of my favorite movies, Super Troopers. “I’ll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.”

Naturally it sounds best if said by the movie’s star Brian Cox and done with an Irish accent. (Feel free to practice at home on your own.) In a city like Toronto the chances to work that saying into a normal conversation are few and far between, but I’ll keep trying before the day is out.

I wish I could think of something else to say right now, but that’s the kind of day it’s been. I will add this; it’s nice to see so many people wearing green.

Don’t be a spoil-sport. If you haven’t put on something green and had a drink yet, then do so!

Top of the morning’ to ya

Happy St. Patrick’s Day to you all. Remember to go easy on the green beer today! Speaking of green beer, last night was the Genie Awards Pre-Party for invited guests of the media and nominees of Canada’s answer to the Oscars. Thankfully I was able to score some tickets to this and I was shocked at just how many famous Canadian faces I know.

Naturally, none of them looked or even talked to me, but it was still cool to say “Hey… I know that guy from…” Living in Canada for over ten years now has really opened my eyes to a lot of great movies that I probably would have never seen back home.

While you most likely won’t have a chance to check out all the nominated flicks in this years’s Genie Awards, you can do yourself a favor and put down the copy of Jackass you were going to rent and check out some good Canuck flicks instead.

For those of you in the Toronto or Ottawa areas, I know for a fact your local Rogers Video Store has a fine selection of films made north of the American border. And for everyone else, I’m sure someone at Blockbuster or your local video shop can help you pick out a good DVD.

Now be a good Canadian and celebrate your culture and the culture of the Irish all rolled into one by having a green Molson or Labatt beer, EH!

The cold shoulder

In a recent effort to save money and stick it to the electric company, I started doing my laundry on the cold cycle. Naturally, the folks at Tide have a solution for people who like myself (read: people who are cheap) They just launched the new Tide Coldwater.(Yes, they spell it all as one word.)

I have to say, other than reaching into a laundry machine and touching wet clothes that feel as cold as what I imagine the water the Titanic sunk must have felt like, I don’t see any difference with my clothes compared to when I wash using a warm or hot cycle.

So if in a month I notice a change in my electric bill, then maybe I’ll make the switch for good.

I felt like chicken tonight

One of the great things about being single is your friends will often make extra of whatever it is they are having for dinner and then bring it by afterwards. Some might think of it as a charity for single folks. I like to think of it as “Left-over-hand-me-downs”. Thankfully, there were friends in the cooking mood and to me went the spoils. Except when I say “spoils” I mean that in a good way. Not in a milk-carton-left-at-the-back-of-the-fridge way.

I tried a batch of my friend’s Ginger Sesame Chicken and for a first time effort, it was really good. Naturally, just having one piece wasn’t enough, so in typical-me fashion, I had seconds and then saved the rest for lunch.

Let me just say this, even with a full stomach and several good resources at your disposal, it’s not as easy as one might think to get publishers to buy someone else’s work.

First off, editors aren’t going to jump at the chance to publish someone else when they’re already publishing you. Second, they’re not going to recommend another publisher for fear of letting go of the next great thing. It’s really a catch 22 and just more proof that the world of journalism is a tough market to crack.

As much as I always say “Hey kids, if you’re thinking about a career where you can get a crap-load of free junk, get your meals paid for and get to see cool things before other people do, then consider a career in journalism”, it doesn’t always mean things are going to work out. But don’t give up. There’s a crap-load of free stuff out there with your name on it. And sooner or later you’ll get it.

A little behind…

Sorry it’s so late in the day, but this is the first time I’ve had to post something all morning. I had my day planned out so well, and things just got in the way and messed everything up, so I’m officially declaring Tuesday the new Monday so I can get my week back on track.

The reason for this declaration is because everyone knows my theory that if you don’t get everything done on Monday, then your whole week is a wash-up. This is great of course for people who follow the “why do today what you can put off until next week” thought process, but in the real world I see that pissing away this week would be a loss.

I didn’t end up jumping on the float at the St Patrick’s Day parade yesterday as I was supposed to. I just couldn’t bring myself to do the “smile and wave to the crowd” thing again. It’s fun, don’t get me wrong. But I just wasn’t in the mood. I figure I’ll just make up for it on Thursday by drinking a few extra pints of green beer. Any tips on where I should go?

I did however finally get to see the full Revenge of the Sith preview. (Star Wars fans take note, this one will NOT suck.) And that’s the kind of day it’s been around here. Maybe tomorrow, (the new Monday) I’ll get my shopping done and pick up the things I need for the house.

Nice haul from CoverFX

Today is one of those days where it’s good to be 1) a girl and 2) a journalist! Check out the cool package I got in the mail today from the people at CoverFX!

Now this is probably lost on most men who just look at that and say, “Nice make-up. So what?” But kiddies, this is CoverFX. Their stuff is amazing and they actually have my skin-tone which is awesome!

The crackers you see on my table did NOT come with the kit, however. They were left out from a couple nights ago. Don’t ask.

May the Force be with you

Here;s a sort of first look at the new Star Wars movie poster for Revenge of the Sith that opens this May. If you’re a geek like me and you’re counting down the days until the film hits theaters, then maybe this will hold you over for a bit. A new trailer comes out this weekend too, so if you’re going to catch the new movie Robots, then you’ll see it there.

You can also suffer through tonight’s episode of The OC to check out a sneak-peek of the preview too – but of course that means having to actually sit through an episode of The OC. Thanks to the folks at LucasFilms and at Star Wars for all that info.

If animated robots and loser teens living in Califorina aren’t your thing, then wait until Monday, March 14th when the movie preview will be on line for you to watch over and over again.

Now it’s back to the laundry for me. Two more loads to do. What a day this is turning out to be…

Just another day…

t’s days like this I think about moving back to Montreal or New Jersey just to get away from all the crazy stuff here in Toronto. In case you’ve been living under a rock for the past couple of days, I’ll bring you up to speed on why U-Haul might very soon be on my speed-dial.

Sunday afternoon: A “crazy” man grabs his 5 year old daughter and throws her over an overpass guard-rail onto the expressway and then jumps over himself, trying to commit suicide and kill his child in order to punish his estranged wife. He died, the kid lived but is in very critical condition.

Tuesday: A deranged man with a knife has a stand-off with police in the downtown core and shouts and yells that he’s going to kill people until one police cruiser has to run him down. Surprisingly the man walked away from it – only to be put in handcuffs. You can see raw footage here, but as the network warns, some images may be disturbing.

Wednesday: During a protest at Queen’s Park (Ontario’s Capital Buildings) a man driving a rental truck pulls up and says he wants to die. Police corner him, but he shocks everyone by pouring gas all over himself, ramming two police cars and then setting himself on fire. Again, here’s a clip. Watch (and live in Toronto) at your own discretion. (Clips, by the way, are courtesy of CP24:Toronto’s News Channel)

Of course for people living in New York City, this is just another day in paradise, but for Toronto, it’s shaping up to be a game of spin the wheel of tragedy and guess what’s going to happen next.

Making up for the last one

Okay, so that little update from before kinda sucked, so I deleted it. In fact it sucked big time because I had nothing better to talk about other than some new browser that some company invented. I could have made it interesting or even funny if I wanted to, but instead it read like some kid’s book report and I think I even included an exclamation point in there which is a big “faux-pas” because it’s like laughing at your own joke (Joan Rivers, please take note). If that wasn’t enough I also made a wrestling reference. Be glad it’s gone.

So what would be a better update? Maybe a recap of how I celebrated International Womens/Alanis Morissette Day? Not a bad idea, if I had actually done something noteworthy. Instead I worked, came home and then felt like making a really big sandwich some time around 11PM, which as everyone knows is the perfect time to make a sandwich. I did make sure to flaunt my “woman-like freedom” and show some Alanis-style support by wearing a satin blouse and leather pants, but as my friend Kim pointed out, it’s not like I don’t do that at least once a week.

I gave some thought to burning my bra in show of support for all my “sisters” out there, but I happen to like the bra I was wearing yesterday and I didn’t feel like going through the hassle of buying a new one just so the inventory in my lingerie drawer would balance out. In case anyone is taking notes – and by the strange emails I get every so often, someone is – Sears Canada is still my favorite place to buy everyday/comfortable/stylish bras. I know, the idea of Sears and lingerie is pretty funny, but it seems the folks up here in the Great White North are a little more ahead when it comes to what looks and feels nice, than their counterparts down south.

Let’s see… bra talk, mentioned the word “lingerie”, comment on both sandwiches and leather pants, insulted Joan Rivers… Yup. Looks like this entry is much better than the last.

Women of the world unite

Happy International Women’s Day! At the risk of sounding like a battle-hardened feminist, does this mean that the other 364 days of the year are International Men’s Days? (With the exception of course of that days that already have titles such as Christmas, Easter, Halloween and Groundhog Day.)

In an interesting side note, that should never be confused as “ironic”, this was also once dubbed “Alanis Morissette Day” in the city of Ottawa. Alanis, who at the time was doing her “angry, white female” gimmick, made sure that the people of her hometown knew that her day should never take away from the importance of the real holiday.

This of course was back in 1996 when she was at the height of her career and wearing leather pants with satin blouses was the in-style thing to do. I of course seem to the be only one who still wears those two things at the same time anymore, but I’m also the only one who remembered today was Alanis Morissette Day!

I wonder if they have greeting cards for that?

HAPPY ALANIS DAY!

Lights, Camera, Action!

So the second annual Rainbow Cinemas Movie Marathon was a huge success. A few of us decided to take part in the 12-hour event to raise money for the Toronto Star’s Fresh Air Fun to help underprivileged children in the Toronto area. They screened five movies back to back including “Assault on Precinct 13“, “The Grudge” (which was actually not as bad as people said it was), “The Bourne Supremacy“, “Closer” (which did suck as much as people said it did.) and “Be Cool“.

It was also a chance to watch and observe some rather interesting people. People who I would normally not come across in my daily activities. But as strange as some folks were, it was a good idea and it raised over $12,000 for the kids in the city.

Jellybean Zero-Hour

So I’m off to put the final touches on this press-kit side project I’ve been working on for the past week. What began last Friday with a simple idea for something to include in a media kit that would be sent out to over fifty journalists around Canada, has become very trying and will hopefully conclude tonight – or at least bright and drunken early tomorrow when the kits get shipped out.

The so-called “final touches” include filling bottles with jellybeans. Oh happy day. Granted, I have no one else to blame but myself seeing as I was the one who said that we should put candies in the bottles.

Because these kits have not been sent out, I’m not really supposed to talk about them, but I’ll tell you this much: Any person who gets one and doesn’t treat it and love it like their first born will FEEL MY WRATH!

Yes, it’s been an interesting freelance project, to say the least. Blood, sweat, tears and jellybeans were poured into each press kit, so they better be well received. (Don’t worry, the chance of any of my actual sweat, blood or tears being in any of the bottles is pretty slim.)

Why did I do this, you might ask? Is it because I felt like broadening my portfolio with some fun and creative work? Could be. Is it because I’m a whore for money and even though someone I work with will be getting one of the kits I made, I still did it because there was a paycheck in it for me? You bet your sister’s sweet ass.