One last 2004 update

So Christmas is over and we’re just a few hours away from the end of the year. I really hoped I’d have some ass-kicking rant to end 2004 with. A rant where I would tell everyone and everything that pissed me off where to go. But sadly, I can’t think of anything really. Sure there are some people I’m glad I’ll never see again, but really nothing worth an entire rant.

So I guess I’ll just end this year by wishing everyone a very Happy New Year and all the best in 2005. I hope that you get what you want this year, because Lord knows I’m sure going to try and get what I want. And do I have any resolutions this year? Is there anything I’ll promise myself that I should do better in the coming year? I’m not sure yet. Maybe tomorrow morning when I wake up I’ll think of that.

Play safe and don’t drink and drive. See you on the other side.

Merry Christmas

While my sister sleeps off her Christmas Eve hang-over and we all wait to open our gifts, I’ll take this moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and best wishes of the season. I hope that your holiday is filled with fun and joy and that you get whatever it is you’re asking for this year.

Peace on Earth and all that jazz.

T’was almost the day before Christmas

This is just a quick update for anyone and everyone who may be lucky enough not to be doing their last minute Christmas shopping right now. I’m down in Jersey and so far things are good. It’s nice to be home and I’m looking forward to the holidays.

I was able to do the drive in 9 hours and 20 minutes and that included a short stop-over at an all night diner, gas and tolls. I’ll be back in Montreal the day after Christmas (which happens to be columnist Charley McCove’s birthday) so the celebration will continue. I’ll probably do one more update tomorrow and maybe one the day after, but just in case I don’t… to everyone out there, have a happy holidays and Merry Christmas.

All the best this holiday season.

The road ahead

Well Happy First Day of Winter. And what a shock, it’s a cold one. Not as cold as yesterday, mind you. But it’s still cold.

This is the last day I’ll be spending in Canada before I head south to see my family over Christmas. Then of course it’s back to the grind and the start of 2005 after that. Wah. Oh well, it seems like that every year.

Everyone’s been asking about the New Year’s Rant, which if you’re new to this site, is what I do every year when I get to Montreal, read the crappy newspaper they have their and blow off steam about the year gone by and the one ahead. You see, the crappy newspaper always seems to miss the Hot and Not list by a mile and that unleashes the beast inside of me.

Last year’s rant was in my diary, so since that is gone now, I can only assume I’ll get all flustered and let ‘er rip on this update page. The Rant is very rarely in a column form because most times I’m all over the place. So you’ve been warned.
I have one last party to attend then it’s the open road for me. That’s about it I guess.

Once again, my bags are packed and I’m ready to go. I’ll be updating my site as much as I can and I’ll make sure to answer as much email as I can, but naturally it’s the holiday season so there’s a good chance I’ll be knee-deep in Egg Nog most of the time, which should make for an interesting update, don’t you think?

Never skirting again

Seriously! Who’s dumb enough to wear a skirt in this weather? Oh. Yeah. That’s right. Me.

I’m the door-knob who though that shielding her legs with nylons would be enough so that I could wear one of my favorite denim skirts today. And of course it’s not a long skirt either. I have no idea what I was thinking. Maybe I have my mind set on back home where today it’s been -10°C (14°F) while here in Canada it’s roughly the same but feels like 4°F and -40°C. Bad wind-chill factor and high winds are to blame. In other words, it’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a reindeer.

But I hope all that’s behind me come Wednesday when I’ll be back in Jersey for a week to spend the holidays with my family. The weather-dudes are calling for 63°F on Thursday under a cloudy sky. It may not be the tropics, but it’s warm enough for me! Maybe down there I can get away with a little skirt-action. The only thing that sticks in my ass about all this is that the worst in weather is probably yet to come. Better hope you actually get that butt-ugly sweater for Christmas this year – you’re gonna need it!

Also, something to think about for the new year… it’s time to update the Best of the City. This time, we here at Zoey’s World are on the look-out for the Best Chicken (Buffalo) wings. So if you live in the Toronto area and have a place in mind that you go to for the best wings, please let me know. I’ll be making the updates in January.

Because you asked…

Achtung! Mein schönes neues Auto

The NOW Magazine Christmas party was last night. I don’t work for them. I don’t really know anyone there. But I still went anyway. Any excuse to wear leather pants and get free drinks.

But enough about that.

Volkswagen always says “On the road of life there are passengers and there are drivers. Drivers wanted.” Well good news, kids… Drivers found! At least one, that is. Me.

In January I will be the proud owner of a new 2005 VW Beetle. (Color to be determined) I’m working out the final details with VW Sales Dude who remembered me from my drooling and fawning over the VW bug that was in the show room last time I was in there. Naturally I played it cool and came across as someone who was only “slightly interested”, instead of someone who was about to grow a nut – and then bust it with excitement over the idea of driving a Beetle. (Which I totally was, in case you’re wondering.)

The Beetle that will be mine (again, once all the I’s are dotted and T’s are crossed and a color that won’t make me look like a clown driving to work is chosen.) is a 2.0 L, automatic ESP/LUX model (whatever the hell that means) It’s cute, gets good mileage and if I want to buy it outright it will only cost me $22,500 bucks. The best deal yet! With $5,000 down, it comes to about $480 a month and I own the mofo in 36 months! But I’m playing it smart and leasing it.

Reason being that in 3 years I’ll be 33 and it’s about then that it becomes not-so-cool for a single girl who works in Journalism to be driving a Beetle. Then again, if you’re a single girl who works in journalism and you drive a Beetle and you can make it work for you, then more power to ya. As for me, the bug will be in my life for three years – max.

We the jury find your ass guilty

So… Scott Peterson is gonna fry. Can’t say I really feel sorry for the guy. If he did actually kill his wife and kid, then he deserves what he gets. Personally, I think they should fry his lawyer, Mark Geragos just because he’s such a media ham and frankly, if we are ever to adopt Shakespeare’s idea of “kill all the lawyers” I can’t think of a better person to start with. (other than Marsha Clark, that is.)

Something I got a kick of out was the fact that once again it came across as Men vs. Women. Women felt that Peterson is a murdering ass-hat and should die, and (some) men felt that, (some) women were simply attacking him because he’s a man. Much like the O.J. trail. Sheesh.

But what really had me in stitches is the men outside the courthouse on Monday who cheered along side with the women when the verdict was handed down. Half the guys there just looked as if they had only shown up to see if they could pick up a girl or two. Kinda like how guys in college join Greenpeace just to impress a chick. “Yeah, I totally agree with you women. I’m in touch with my feminine side. Scott Peterson should die. Wanna get a coffee afterwards?”

Then again, I can’t really blame them. Seems as good a place as any to meet someone these days. Sure beats on-line dating. Hell, if I was single and I lived in California, I’d go down there too. “Yeah, everyone’s happy! Everyone’s in a good mood. Scott’s gonna die! Fry you bastard! Who wants to get laid?”

And into today’s Sick Thought Department: Did you think about this? If and when Scott Peterson does get put to death, it will be Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s name on the execution papers authorizing it. Maybe Peterson can find some comfort it the fact that he can go out knowing he was killed by the Terminator. Just a thought.

The countdown is on

Alright. I either lied or I was too lazy to come back yesterday and do a creative update to go along with my boring and less-than-amazing one. I’m going with lazy. Because I did actually have the intention of doing another and much better entry, I just never got around to it. And frankly, it wasn’t like there was a million things that came up that prevented me from doing it.

Here’s today’s scary thought: Christmas is just two weeks away. That doesn’t sound so bad, but when you figure in the fact that unlike me, most of you don’t finish work by noon and can work from home and lie around and on your lazy asses thinking about the presents you should be buying to finish your shopping. Suddenly it does become something to worry about. And I don’t know how full your PalmPilots are with events, functions and parties that happen this time of year, but those are things to think about too. Now before you know it, you’re out of time and trying to figure a way to do as much as you can before the end of December.

Aaaack!

Just thought I’d share that with you.

Something else on my mind… is it just me, or has 2004 been a rather forgettable year? Really, think about it? Other than our normal “wife killers”, “deaths” and “elections” and crappy music, TV and movies, what else has their been that really made this year stand out? Think about it, will you? Because I have to work on a “Year in Review” before the end of December and it better have more in it than “Bush is back, Julia Roberts acts like she’s the first person ever to have twins, Ashlee Simpon’s a fake, Arafat’s dead, Ben Affleck’s career is too and I still hate Jennifer Whorepez.”

Waiting for coolness

I guess I should write something here, but I just can’t think of anything. What else is there to say? My house needs cleaning, I still have a few things left to buy before I’m done my Christmas shopping. I keep waking up late because I don’t go to bed on time. Same old, same old. Maybe I’ll get something to eat and then start the housework. I hope after that I’ll think of something creative to say.

In the meantime, you’ve probably noticed by now, but there’s a new review up on the Feature Film page, and of course a new column went up last Friday. Yay. Something to read.

Zoey vs. The Internet Monster

It’s never a slow day in my life.

Phone Message: Hi. This is your internet company. We suck. And now we’re charging you for all the months we didn’t charge you before. You owe us big time.

Zoey: Screw you.

Of course, since nobody was around to hear that, it was totally lost and I had to call them back.

Zoey: You called me?

Internet Company.: Yes. Pay us. Pay us now.

Zoey: You never sent me a bill.

Internet Co.: Oh. I see. Pay us anyway.

Zoey: Send me a bill.

Internet Co.: Um… We don’t do that. We bill “on-line”.

Zoey: What?

Internet Co: We send you a bill on line and you check it on line and then you pay us.

Zoey: On line?

Internet Co: No. We want real money.

Zoey: So do I.

Internet Co: When can we expect a payment.

Zoey: When I see how much I owe you.

Internet Co: $189.97

Zoey: I can’t see that. You only just told me how much I owe you.

Internet Co: Go on line and see for yourself.

Zoey: {Going on line and checking where bill is supposed to be. Seeing there is nothing there. Doing a happy dance and laughing at the internet company under breath} Um, can’t see anything here.

Internet Co: Oh. Looks like you’re right. Pay us anyway.

Zoey: No.

Internet Co: Please

Zoey: No.

Internet Co: Pretty please with sugar on top.

Zoey: No

Internet Co: … and a cherry?

Zoey: Maybe.

Internet Co: How about this? Pay us or we’ll cut you off.

Zoey: If you cut me off, then how will I be able to go on line and see how much I owe you?

Internet Co: We’ll have to send you a bill then.

Zoey: Oh for the love of… Listen. You never billed my credit card, never phoned me before, never sent me an email telling me how I can grow a large penis and/or pay off my mortgage and that I owe you money. You can’t honestly expect me to pay you if this is the first time I hear about it?

Internet Co: Umm….

Zoey: Well?

Internet Co: Maybe we can credit your account for our mistake since we never actually sent you a bill on line.

Zoey: Good

Internet Co: You go to hell. You go to hell and you die! We hate it when people are smarter than us and we end up looking like assholes. Now we’re going to have to find a way to make your life hard. Ha! Nevermind. Turns out you use MSN for your graphics on your site. Looks like you’re already getting screwed. Pffffft. Thank you for choosing our internet company.

Okay, so maybe it didn’t go exactly like that, but either way, I won. So if nothing else, at least something got done today. Zoey: 1… Internet Co: 0 Now I have to take back the latte mugs I paid too much for, drop off my blouses at the dry cleaners, iron my skirt for an up-coming Christmas party and I guess check on line for any possible bills or money I might owe.

Internet reindeer games

Okay, now I’m officially a net-nerd. Yay for nerd-writers like me who do this kind of thing instead of writing a real update.

Loving: The new matching bra and underwear I bought Sunday at Sears. No Sears jokes, thank you. They do actually make nice under-thingies. Mmmmmm comfy.

Hating: MSN for once again being a buncha wankers and having a slow server that does a crap job of loading the graphics on my site. I really, really hate you. Oooh. That’s not really a “Christmas-y” thought, now is it? Bah. I still hate you, MSN.

Watching: Snow falling outside. Duh, of course it’s outside.

Planning: My holiday vacation to New Jersey to visit my family.

Reading: Cocktail napkin with interesting notes on it. I really need to read more.

Hearing: Soft jazz music that sounds like Christmas songs.

Thinking: How there are not enough days left before Christmas, so I should call in sick and run messages. Oh. I guess I shouldn’t have written that on here. Better cover my ass.

Faking: Being sick so I can run messages.

Wishing: My sister a happy 25th birthday.

Adding: Madonna’s “Santa Baby” to the list of really crappy Christmas songs. Make that really, really bad Christmas songs.

Monday blah…

So it snowed just in time for the morning rush hour today. How nice. Honestly, it didn’t bother me too much seeing as I always love the first real snow-fall, but it was a shock seeing as I haven’t bothered to put winter tires on the Mustang yet.

I thought about staying in and working from home today, but something sick and twisted inside me wanted to go out and drive around and see the snow-covered city of Toronto. I did mention it was a “sick and twisted” thing that made me do it.

I’d love to do a much longer and more interesting update, but I’m still up to my ass in work and I feel as if I need another coffee. So maybe later on. I never thought I’d become one of those people who needs a coffee to get the started (or in this case, to keep going) but I guess having turned 30, it’s just part of life now.

Yay for coffee.

The last bar

The worst thing about getting a new cell phone is the first time you have to let the battery die down completely so you can re-charge it. I’m not sure why you have to do this, but all phone companies tell you to. I guess it’s so the phone get a feeling for shutting down in the middle of something important like a phone call or something, which without a doubt it will do later on. And you can get a feeling for how badly you’ll get screwed when you’re in the middle of that all important call.

So here I am, a few days after getting my phone, waiting for the damn thing to die so that I can begin the charging process. And I’m still waiting. And waiting. It’s down to like one bar and the warning low battery beebs have started, but honestly, that’s been going on for almost a day now. This thing just won’t die! And yet I’m sitting here. Like an idiot. Waiting with the charger cord. I feel like a loved-one sitting by the bed-side of a dying relative, holding his hand and saying “It’s okay now. You can let go. It won’t hurt anymore. Go into the light. Go to loved ones who have gone on before you. The pain will stop.”

Damn.

That’s really depressing.

Like really, really depressing.

I think I need a minute here.

Okay.

Better scenario. I feel like one of those super villains battling Batman and yelling at him “Why won’t you just die!?” Not that I want my phone to die for real. Because I know as soon as Samsung 660 gets a taste of the afterlife and/or Dead Battery Time, he’ll be going there all the time. Kinda like a fat kid in a candy store. And, like mentioned above, it’ll be when I’m in the middle of an important call… like to a loved one who’s dying… and I’m telling them to let go… and that the pain will stop…

Damn.

I need some fresh air.

More from today…

Did you know that in the first draft of Return of The Jedi, our heroes were supposed to go to the Wookie home-world and see Chewbacca’s family? I just found this out. Pretty cool, huh? Of course, following the awful taste left in the mouths of anyone who ever saw the Star Wars Holiday Special that featured a big Christmas-type party with all the Wookies, one can understand why Lucas wanted to stay clear of that puppy.

There will be a new column coming out either tomorrow or bright and drunken early on Monday. Truth be told, the column is finished, published and almost forgotten about in my mind, it’s just the task of putting it on line that lies ahead at this point.

For what it’s worth, my Christmas decorations are up and my neighbors hate me. I totally went with the Times Square look this year. Short of having a giant NBC screen and huge Coke ads everywhere, I’d say of all the houses around, I have the one most likely to have planes landing on it, mistaking all my lights for runway lights. Yay for me.

Oh, and a Happy Birthday to Sara who lives on the beautiful west coast of Canada. She’s celebrating birthday number 22 this week and she’s a big fan of this site, which of course makes her that much more cool.

It’s a Write-Off!

I’m not going to brag, but I have to do something other than jump for joy or squeeze my fists in little balls and go “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” with glee. I just bought gas for my car. I filled up in fact. The sale price was 78.9 cents a liter. It cost me close to $30. And I’m gonna write it off, baby! Yah for me!

I could really get used to this kind of thing. Having the whole Per Diem was cool when I would travel I could write off room service or a meal because the client I was writing for or the paper who sent me to cover whatever it was I was out of town covering, would expect me to eat something. But this is much better. There is a certain sense of pride that comes with knowing you pay for something – and end up getting the money back.

Now, I can’t go crazy and offer to take the Toronto Blue Jays starting line-up out for beers and expect to write it off, but I can buy myself a brew and watch a game – and not have to pay for it!

Things I can’t write off are clothes (which really sucks because Danier Leather is about to have another one of their amazing sales) personal items, lotto tickets, car repairs, booze at the liquor store or beer at the beer store. Also finding itself in the gray-zone are movie outings – unless I can somehow convince Payroll Dept. that going to see Team America had some sort of redeeming entertainment/gossip column value to it.

Turns out one has to be tricky when it comes to knowing what you can claim and what you can’t. Yes, sushi lunches are in as long as I say I was working or doing something that comes close to work. I just chalk it up to the fact that fish is brain food. Sounds good, doesn’t it?